In a drive to cut costs at the BBC, producers have been forced to pull Graham Norton off. Sorry, have been forced to pull Graham Norton off his prime-time Friday night slot.
Beeb bosses announced the news today at the same time as announcing the identity of Norton’s replacement, a remote controlled plastic arse. The arse, measuring some 4 inches on height, moves around on wheels controlled by Giles Backboner, an operator backstage and will communicate by the use of a robotic voice which will be pre-programmed with questions and small-talk agreed between the show’s script writers and the guests’ PR representatives. For more dramatic moments, the arse will turn to the audience or spin around a bit to get laughs and make the interviewee blush.
“We think that it’s time to push new boundaries and try something that has never been done before” said Mark Thompson at a half-empty press cabal yesterday. “We looked long and hard at our audience and the guests that are attracted to the show and realised that it really doesn’t matter who or what is hosting the show.
In a statement released this morning, the BBC said “We are expecting the same calibre of stars to take part in the shows and for our audiences to enjoy them just as much. And a motorised talking shitbox won’t carry with it the same level of danger as a shouty, histrionic woofter like Norton. I’d like to see this anus automaton prance about on stage in a spangly f*cking suit jokes doing strings of cock jokes.
“The arse will be completely under our editorial control. Of course, we expect it to become a celebrity icon and have already received invitations from the BAFTA awards, the next Live 8 concert and Celebrity Big Brother. People will go crazy for it. We have Max Clifford’s PR team working on a series of saucy exposés about the arse’s private life to keep the public interested and will be creating a series of toys which will be out in time for Christmas.
ITV meanwhile, are refusing to comment on their plans to immediately replace the presenter of X-Factor’s Xtra-Factor, Konnie Huq, with a clockwork cunt.
Quick links: NewsBiscuit Home • Chat Room • Writers' Room • Top Ten
TV Chat Show Host Replaced By Talking Arse
(1 post) (1 voice)
Current rating::
-
Fray Brentos
offlineMemberPosted 1 year ago #
Reply
You must log in to post.