The IT industry was left in shock yesterday after the collapse of the software giant Microsoft when unemployed Dave Digby from Felixstowe trademarked the phrase ‘Fragment (consider revising)’. The move meant that each time Microsoft’s software used the phrase Microsoft were then charged with trademark infringement. Due to the frequent use of the term it took less than 7 minutes before Microsoft were completely bankrupted. Within three hours Mr Digby had accrued enough money to purchase the moon.
Dressed in a suit weaved from Gold and Vicuna wool Mr Digby was lifted into the air on a gilded throne by four trusty man servants before pausing to wipe his brow with a handkerchief torn from the Mona Lisa and commenting ‘To be honest I don’t even know what the phrase means. And it seems that I’m unable to string more than four words together without falling foul to its strange grammatical trap.’
Mr Digby then went onto say ‘I’m now looking into trademarking the phrase “You look like you’re writing a letter”. Although not to make money this time, I just want to wipe the gormless look off that annoying paperclip’s face. And then I’ll move onto “You have unused icons on your desktop” I mean, really? Is that your problem or is that mine? But Anyway I can’t stop; I’m having my driveway re-gravelled with crushed Faberge Eggs.’
As soon as the issue was realised Microsoft scrambled a press release pleading with the public to stop using Microsoft Word but it seemed many were unmoved by the plea. One PC user commented ‘Why would I want to help Microsoft? I’ve spent more of my life staring at the blue screen of death than I have the faces of my own children?’ before adding ‘Why can’t I click on that? Open damn it! What? No, no, no! Don’t crash, arrgghh! I haven’t saved for ages!’
Within minutes of the announcement Twitter crashed due to smug Mac users posting sarcastic unhappy smileys and LOLs. Many Linux users began using the hashtag pun #UseMicrosoft?ConsiderRevising
Microsoft are credited with being instrumental in the birth of the IT driven world in which we live while also lowering consumer expectations to the point that it’s perfectly acceptable to spend hundreds of pounds on a product that takes ten minutes to start, thirty seconds to crash and has more bugs than a whorehouse mattress.