In a surprise announcement the head of the Church of England has announced that the church is to formally re-write its Christmas story. Dr Rowan Williams told the assembled media at a press conference this morning “The new John Lewis advert really sums up the true meaning of Christmas, spending the money that you probably haven’t got on crap other people don’t want. Of course it has the added appeal of a heart warming story about a little boy, which to be honest is probably already better known to most of the population than the one we have been using about Jesus.”
Continuing he said "We’ve been pressing the old story for centuries now, but we really haven’t got the techie know-how to make it the top trend on twitter. I had a quick word with the pope last night, but he said his lot are not so keen. He liked last years John Lewis gospel better, but wasn’t so keen on the controversy surrounding the dog left out in the cold. He said he’s had it up to his Mitre this year with controversy and dogma.”
Dr Williams added “We are also adopting the gospels of St Michaels, St Delia and St Heston. I mean, what Christmas wouldn’t be complete without mince pies that smell pine fresh, although I’ll give you a tip from Mrs Canterbury…she just buys hers from Lidl and pours a little pine scented toilet cleaner on top.”
