'it's all very well digging wells and planting crops out in Africa', admits charity director Adam Squished, 'but charity begins at home, and for not much more than the price of bringing water to a Tanzanian village for a year, it is possible to buy a pony for some precocious teenage girl in Surrey.'
'Also we can make a very real difference to the lives of those young boys in Buckinghamshire who aren't fortunate enough to have direct access to a Nintendo Wii'. All we are asking is for the inhabitants of a handful of Nepalese villages to go without cataract operations for six months or so. It really is a small sacrifice to make when you think of the happiness that a few hours playing on Call of Duty 2 can bring.'
'Just send your donations, however large. It really will make a difference.'