After several days of unrest, the population of Egypt today announced its intention to resign at the earliest opportunity.
‘It has become increasingly clear that we do not command the respect of our rulers, and so it is time we stood aside and gave another group of people the chance to come and live under this regime,’ said a spokesman for the protesters in Tahrir Square. ‘It’s always easy for one side to blame the other in these circumstances, but the truth is that the people and the government just can’t get along anymore, and so it’s better for everyone if we just go our separate ways.’
Later today the people of Egypt will file out of the country with the aim of setting up a new bachelor pad elsewhere in Northern Africa. It is understood that the ruling military council and civilian cabinet will have custody of Egypt during the week, with the departed population having access rights every other weekend.
‘We want different things, that’s all,’ said a protester. ‘We want democracy and freedom, and they want power and oppression. They say that opposites attract, but in hindsight maybe we should have taken things a little slower. At the end of a revolution when the square is filled with tear gas it can sometimes be difficult to see who you’ve ended up dancing with, and when we woke up the next morning it was clear the government we’d pulled was a real munter.’
The Egyptian government is understood to have wasted no time in getting back out there and has already placed a singles ad on a dating website. ‘Unelected military government with NSOH seeks submissive population for no-strings-attached human rights abuses. Non-voters preferred.’