In a move that has sent shock waves through celebrity circles, style guru Victoria Beckham has taken interior design to a whole new level by having her own interior redesigned.
Now living in Beverly Hills, Mrs Beckham’s new interior designer, Sam Fink, originally gained repute in Adelaide as a cosmetic surgeon specialising in ‘down under’ treatments but moved into other areas after clients encouraged him to think outside the box.
Mr Fink said an interior redesign made perfect sense. ‘You see, she hasn't eaten since 2005, or produced any noxious waste since her recording career ended, so we decided there was a lot of useless clutter in her abdomen just wasting space.’
The new interior features white leather and chrome with leopard-print accessories. ‘We were going to put a very pleasing Ming vase in place of her anus,’ said Fink, ‘but David objected to disturbing the existing yin and yang, which he finds so energising and relaxing - the guy’s a feng shui natural. As it turns out, it has provided an excellent access point for those insider photo shoots.’
David has retained his guts but has had some cranial work done, a Sam Fink special. Needing only the parts of the brain governing spatial awareness and motor skills, David has had a small but tasteful games room installed and has used the wall space for some extra tattoos.
World number one golfer Luke Donald, already dubbed the Walking ATM by sports writers, recently had a cash machine installed by Fink. ‘I may still be boring but at least people will remember my name now,’ said Mr Ronald. ‘Unlike a normal ATM, this one pays out thousands of dollars every time I get near the PIN.’
Mr Fink rarely does work for politicians nowadays. ‘I used to offer an extra colon with its own larynx so they could be really full of shit and talk through their arses, but I wasn’t really adding any value,’ he said. ‘Mind you, I was pleased with the Newton’s cradle I gave Clegg in place of his redundant testicles, which at least gives him something to do during cabinet meetings.’