Police in Norfolk have today announced the disbanding of their force helicopter. The move comes as the local criminal fraternity have discovered what the 'magic flying thing' was.
'The force helicopter has served as a great crime fighting tool in these parts' Chief Inspector Stuart Offord told us. 'Other force's helicopters have the benefit of infra-red cameras, a live video feed to the control room and 4 cup holders, but not ours. We have the benefit of the locals not knowing what a helicopter is'
During the summer riots, Norwich was unaffected because of the tactical deployment of the force chopper. Eyewitnesses told us that they had seen gangs of youths gathering and arming themselves with baseball bats, hosepipes and giant erasers from WHSmiths. As they began to charge the line of PCSO's the helicopter appeared above them, which seemed put them in a catatonic trance, staring and pointing skywards.
'Unfortunately, we now believe that the criminal masterminds on our patch have recently developed a vague understanding of human flight' the Chief Inspector continued. 'Despite all of the concerns we have raised with BT, this is the direct result of them connecting Norwich with the Interweb.'
Professor Mark Hubbard, criminal psychologist at Cambridge University, explained the reason for the sudden lack of pointing with the helicopter's presence. 'As the police force are continually gathering intelligence, the criminals are continually looking for theirs. The World Wide Web being linked to Norfolk has given them access to Wikipedia. They now know human flight is possible and that they no longer have to hide in a wheelie bin.'
One of the local gang members agreed to talk to us anonymously. 'I feel a bit of an idiot now' Wayne Sharp, 23 told us. 'My Girlfriend was really pissed off when I came home with no tracksuits after a night looting. I tried to tell her about what I thought was a 'really angry bird' in the sky. Turns out, she was the only angry bird I saw that night.'
Police have now taken a number of new measures to help fight crime in the helicopter's absence. 'We have bought a dog for PC Smith so he no longer has to chase after criminals barking. Also, to avoid too much knowledge coming from information sites, anyone with access to the Interweb will have sign on the sex offenders register. This is the only way we can control these Wikipedia files'.