Physicists measuring the speed of neutrinos at CERN today have reported another case of the speed of light being exceeded. However, this time during the tests, members of the team witnessed what they described as a 'pink boar shaped reading' on the science machine at the same time as recording the light breaking feat. At first it seemed that they'd made a pig's ear of the experiment, but careful analysis suggested the presence of a flying pig in the vicinity of the test.
Unless an explanation can be found, the finding will mean an entire reworking of the standard model of physics, which clearly states that pigs cannot fly, without first attaching a propeller, wings and a beak. Despite being against all protocol, wily scientists from the UK believe that they can explain the phenomenon by invoking a never before observed particle: the Pigs' Boson.
UK scientists are thought to have secured funding from the Government to build a 32-mile circular flight path above the East Anglian countryside to search for the mystery particle, despite emphatic protests from Norwich airport, which claims they would hog all the air space. The project will see scientists launch pigs at each other along the flight path in the hope that the high energy collisions will create instances of the Pigs' Boson, which will confirm the theory. The necessary technology will be built in 2013 and is code-named 'The Large Bacon Provider.'
Project leader, farmer turned scientist Stephen Porkin, said, "When I took a closer look at my log tables in the ultra-pink, and divided all the odd ones by 6, the average number of teats on a Gloucester Old Spots sow, there it was - the prediction of the Pigs' Boson. We're all very excited - I think we can go the whole hog on this one."
David Cameron has backed the venture. "This could be great for the economy. Some people have said we may be investing in a pig in a poke, but flying pigs could one day replace aeroplanes as a new, pinker form of environmentally friendly air-travel." When quizzed for his opinion on the perplexing preposition of flying pigs he said, "I thought I saw a pig flying once. It was just before we formed the coalition with the Liberal Democrats."