Talks between UK PM David Cameron and German Chancellor Angela Merkel over the Eurozone crisis spilled over into a night of furious lovemaking.
Initially, relations between the two leaders appeared tense but attitudes softened as Mr Cameron confessed to liking Mrs Merkal’s tough call for austerity. She in turn began referring to Mr Cameron as her little ‘vornehm junge’ or ‘posh boy’."
German MP Johan Schmitt commented: “Angela has secretly always had a soft spot for David. She once told me over dinner that she was very attracted to his smooth skin ‘like waxed fruit’, his insouciant chin and his cute way of trying to do that Blair chopping-thing with his hands. It's a classic case of will-they/won't-they as behind the scenes everyone's suspected they've been out to shaft each other all along."
Jonathan Brent, Bloomberg Political Affairs correspondent, said: “Chancellor Merkel wasted no time in getting down to business with the Prime Minster, telling him just how far she was prepared to go to stabilise the euro. Mr Cameron began taking long shallow breaths, his skin moist with perspiration and loosened his tie as the German Chancellor slowly moved her hand up his thigh. Mrs Merkal then pressed him on the single currency.
"Cameron suggested going back to his room to discuss things further over a Schweppes and a miniature Gordon’s. At first Mrs Merkal was reluctant, feeling perhaps that the Germans had been stretched enough over the euro crisis. However, Mr Cameron insisted he wanted to vigorously debate a fiscal transaction tax, which proved too powerful for her to resist.
BBC Political Editor Nick Robinson, who had unprecedented access to the meeting via a keyhole, reported: “The Prime Minister was clearly thinking of England as he went head to head with the Chancellor. He’s aware that some in Germany might criticise Britain for not putting a bit more into the union, especially at a time when others are contemplating pulling out.
“As a warm night breeze settled on the Alexanderplatz, Mr Cameron drew Mrs Merkel close and suggested adjusting her position on the European Central Bank. The musky scent of his body filled her nostils as she abandoned herself to the possibility of a major intervention. The Chancellor whispered, "nein nein" but her resistance only seemed to inflame Cameron further.
Afterwards the Prime Minister said the two countries enjoyed a good relationship and that protecting the euro meant getting behind Mrs Merkel, especially in tight situations like those currently being experienced in the Eurozone.
Downing Street refused to comment on specific details of the meeting but summed up the Prime Minister's approach with the words, "ding dong".