“We’d always though the variation in magnetic North was a natural occurrence caused by the shifting mass of molten Iron at the Earth’s core” said an expert from the Royal Observatory. “but it turns out that it was Sir Jimmy running about clad in his trademark Jingle-Jangle that was causing such noticeable shifts”
The government has today admitted that it originally became aware of the source of these magnetic anomalies after a mysterious 3 week event in 1972, which saw compasses in Europe pointing due West or simply spinning around, was disovered to have been caused by Sir Jim going on holiday to Florida with a local Scout troop.
After objections at that time from the RAF that the disturbance might interfere with their missile deterrent, Saville spent much of the eighties confined to a specially equipped ‘magic chair’ developed by Professor Heinz Wolff to minimise his magnetic signature. Sir Jim was allowed out only once a year to run around London with a cigar for charity.
Unfortunately the whereabouts and exact workings of the chair are now unknown, so a 50,000 strong petition by the UK’s metal detector enthusiasts has called for the resting place of the former DJ to be moved 300 feet lower and preferably shielded by a layer of lead.