‘We had previously scratched some paint in an underground car park and had a minor incident on the ring road a few weeks back but this was a biggy, we are incredibly excited by the results.’ Said a senior physics boffin at CERN. ‘Some people ask what we are trying to do with CERN’s Large Hadron Collider and the answer is basically cool shit like this, oh and trying to destroy the universe at its most fundamental level of course.’
A Hadron collision is not easy to spot as it is a quantum collision and can only be detected by its effect on the roads around the collision site rather than by looking at the collision directly. In fact the collision may or may not exist at any single point in space time dependent on local traffic conditions and the proximity of the rush hour.
‘To clear the junction will take over 400 tons of magnets and enough power to kick start a reasonably sized star. Normally there would also be the need to remove all the air from the location and make the recovery in a total vacuum, but if they turn that big fountain thingy by the lake off then it will suck the last vestiges of atmosphere out of the city centre well enough for our needs.’ Explained a nerd in a white coat. ‘We would also advise resurfacing the road junction otherwise locals may get sucked into the black hole that has appeared as a side effect of the accident.’
Local religious groups claim that the current situation has got nothing to do with the physicists at CERN and blame the broken traffic light at the end of Station Road. ‘We believe that in the beginning, traffic lights brought forth order from the chaos and that only when the light is restored will order be resumed. We are always portrayed as cranks and loonies in the media, but this time we have the one true answer’, proclaimed Henri Dufaux the bishop of Geneva while sprinkling holy water about the junction to keep demons at bay.
Sandrine Salerno the City Mayor is less than impressed with the recent experiments. ‘We originally invited all these physicists into Geneva in the hope that they would scare off the bankers. It didn’t work and now we are infested with two social groups that we don’t want in our town but can’t get rid of. Maybe we could offer Blizzard a tax break and see if 600 World of Warcraft programmers can shift this mess.’
Next week sees the start of Geneva’s annual ‘At least we’re not French anymore’ celebrations.