Oliver Letwin MP was today unavailable for comment following the discovery of the damning resignation letter of Antonio Borges, until recently the head for Europe at International Monetary Fund (IMF), in a bin at St James’s Park, London. Mr Letwin, famous for confusing his parliamentary office cross-cut shredder with Royal Park refuse receptacles, would neither confirm nor deny that the resignation letter’s presence was anything to do with him.
Be that as it may, the contents of the letter have stunned European leaders. Mr Borges cited ‘personal reasons’ for his resignation, but his letter to the IMF, and by extension to the leaders of the Eurozone, has been seen by some as a damning indictment on the EU’s economic leadership.
The full text of the letter reads as follows:
'Dear IMF and leaders of the European Union,
It is with much regret that I must now offer my resignation.
I have taken the decision to leave the comfort of full time, secure employment and I wish to enter the uncertainty of a fragile and depressed labour market. While some might call this brave, foolhardy, or even culpably reckless; I know that the experience I have gained from this job and my dealings with you all has helped to make this decision an easy one.
I take with me a unique set of skills. I can honestly say that I do not think the training and experience that I experienced with you all will ever be replicated in any other workplace either here or abroad, or in the future or the present or the past.
Most of all, my experience of working with you all has left me with real life experience and has sharpened my ambitions considerably. I now desperately wish for that one day in the future when I will finally be able to work alongside informed professionals who work with skill and courtesy; real and genuine people who find time to see beyond tedious routine and adolescent bullying and incompetence. In many ways, you are all the collective measure by which I will judge my future success; the point at which sanity and humanity sits well above.
Thank you all
Yours etc etc'
The IMF responded to the disclosure by saying that they wished Mr Borges all the best for his future career. Leaders of the European Union issued a joint statement that they were all ‘flattered at such a lovely resignation letter’ and that it was ‘such a shame that this nice man is leaving’.