Scientists at Bristol University have succeeded in disproving Newton’s Fourth Law of Motion, commonly known as the ‘first smelt it dealt it’ theory.
‘This theory has split the global scientific community for decades’ explained Professor George Hampton who led the Bristol team. ‘Many believed fervently in ‘first smelt it dealt it’, but equally, many believed the counter theory put forward many years later by Albert Einstein that ‘the one who made the rhyme did the crime’. Now, after a twenty year research project we’ve finally been able to show that Einstein was right.’
Sir Isaac Newton famously first put forward the proposition whilst at primary school, when folklore has it he was rendered unable to breath by a ‘hideous stench that hath clearly emanated from the bottom of the small boy sat next to me.’ The boy however was the first to complain about the foul aroma, attempting to put the blame on Newton, prompting Newton to exclaim ‘first smelt it dealt it!’ He later expanded upon his idea, carrying out numerous experiments every time he and his school friends were given cabbage for lunch.
However, Albert Einstein cast doubt on Newton’s work, and carried out his own experiments involving baked beans and sprouts. His work culminated in his 1939 paper ‘On the dynamics of flatulence’, which instantly split opinion in universities and emptied lecture theatres around the world. He wrote ‘it is a clear strategy of many to accuse another of making the smell in a rhyming style. In my opinion it is obvious that foul smells almost always emanate from such poets. Now, can someone open a window please?’
The Bristol research team is planning on going out for a curry to celebrate their success and test their findings further, before embarking on their next project – to test the validity of Charles Darwin’s ‘first the worst, second the best’ hypothesis. ‘In particular I’m looking forward to finding out whether third really is the one with the hairy chest’ said an excited Professor Hampton.