The website Mumsnet was taken offline yesterday after a mum used its message boards to declare her "male equivalent of MILF", leading to thousands of complaints.
'Well, I saw the "M" term everywhere, and was a bit shocked by the F bit,' said Mrs Jane Brooker of Carshalton Beeches, 'so then I thought, why can't we ladies have our own codeword for the buff parade outside the school gates, and why can't it be clean? That's when it came to me: "DILDO - Dad I'd Like to Do". It's short, smooth, and rolls off the tongue.'
Mrs Brooker began to splash her term all over Mumsnet, in a hierarchy of desire. Her neighbour's husband was just a "real dildo", Barack Obama a "dildo if I could afford the airfare" and Hugh Grant "an absolute dildo, worth a second glance even before he sired".
'Even though Mrs Brooker made a mistake I can't see what all the fuss is about' said the website's founder. 'Our members should be able to discuss their toys , in an appropriate forum When"Abi's mum" posted about the "intimate pleasure a rabbit can give" in the page dealing with "class pet care during the holidays" we nearly had an animal cruelty charge.'
Mrs Brooker was red faced when told of her error. "What, you shove them up your whoopsie - for fun?' she said. 'Well that's the last time I coin a phrase in a hurry. Is it still ok to call Ricky Gervais a "Total Waste of Anyone's Time"? No? Oh well, back to the drawing board. '