A typically sleepy village in Oxfordshire was awoken this week by the revelation that the local village idiot was in fact from Poland. Wojtek Labrowska took up the position in Pusey, following the untimely death of Tim Dimley, the previous 'Pusey Pleb' in an accident involving a firework, a hedgehog and a well lit bonfire.
'We occasionally saw him loitering around the place, licking lamp posts, looking a bit foreign and criminal like' Reverend Brownlow, the local vicar told us. ' But we are far to British to say anything to him. I was reassured when he finally said hello, and I heard that accent. 'Great the plumber's here' I thought'. The Holy man continued, ' I had called one about the boiler in the Church roof. All was well until he fell through the attic entrance and broke his neck. I'm not racist but we have enough idiots from this country, have you ever seen the Jeremy Kyle show?'
After he returned from the hospital, he entered the Post Office. Post Mistress Mrs Coggins recalls 'He came in wanting to send a letter to a place called Krakow, Poland. I had to look it up in an atlas as I initially thought it was near Didcot. I told him he needed to stick 3 Stamps on the front. He looked confused, so I pointed him to the moistened sponge on the counter. He looked at me, nodded gratefully, then sucked all the water out of the sponge and into his mouth. I was gobsmacked, especially when he burped.' He then made an attempt at shoplifting but as Mrs Coggins explained, 'The Police had arrived before he realised the pen was chained to the counter. This wouldn't happen with an English Idiot'
There have been some that have welcomed the influx of a foreign person. An excited Village Historian, Barbara Holt, told us, 'This is only the 3rd different surname we've had in Pusey since the industrial revolution, and should he start a family with a local girl, it will be the first case of a family tree with a branch'
Local Lib Dem councillor Lynn Feltie explained the decision to recruit someone from the EU for the post. 'The role of the Village Idiot is one of the areas in society that has not moved forward, ethnically, since roman times. We thought it was time to open the post up to people from all nations. Wojtek has done a great job so far. They are on first name terms with him at the local A&E.
But not everyone is happy with the move. 'It's Bloody typical, they come over here and take our English jobs' Local BNP candidate Johnny Blacksmith told us, whilst watching Wojtek talking to his refletion in the pub windows. 'We have members that are more than qualified for that position'.