Thrifty airline Ryanair have stunned travellers with their latest announcement that use of oxygen on all flights will be charged at £50 per 100 litres.
Ryanair will ensure mandatory use of their oxygen packs by pumping poisonus carbon monoxide into all planes throughout their flights, whilst passengers will breathe oxygen through cylinders provided. There will be a choice to top up the initial £50 purchase at £10 every 100 litres.
"This new move ensures that all Ryanair passengers get the best deal possible." Said the wide eyed lunatic airline owner, Michael O'Leary. "Up until now we've essentially been financially penalising people who simply don't breathe that much on our flights, whilst 'greedy breathers', have been pushing up prices for everyone."
Experts have commented on how Ryanair have a unique ability to introduce measures like these due to their passengers being so accustomed of being stripped of their dignity.
"It wouldn't happen with another airline, but what is interesting about Ryanair is the way the vast majority of their passengers will be happy to just lie down and accept being treated like a freshly lain dog turd." Said one travel expert.
"In the cases of inevitable deaths during our flights, we'll ensure that bodies are removed of quickly and cleanly." Insisted O'Leary, his face resembling that of a angry psycopath. "The next of kin can choose to pay to have the corpse sent back to their home land, for a reasonable fee, or we'll just dump them where we are. As I've always said, we're a no frills airline, and other passengers shouldn't have to fork out for people who want their funerals to be all la di da."