Take That star Gary Barlow has been casting his critical judging eye over his own band, and has reached the conclusion that they are ‘predictable’. The same damning criticism that the increasingly pantomime-villain-like X-Factor judge has been aiming at many of the hopefuls on the show.
With the judging panel having decided that it is a bad thing to stick to a musical genre that you know, are comfortable with, and quite good at, Barlow has moved quickly to ensure that these accusations cannot be levelled at Take That.
‘We go back into the studio tomorrow and I’m working on a new musical direction for the group, attempting to create a fusion of dubstep, gangsta rap and metalcore.’ said Barlow, ‘Mark Owen has been entering freestyle rap battles in L.A clubs to brush up his rhymes, and Robbie’s guttural screaming has been coming along very nicely since we attached some electrodes to him. This is a really exciting time and should bring our music to a wider audience, while still pleasing our current fan base who like to look at us and swoon.’
Fellow judge Tulisa Contostavlos has plans of her own to bring a new approach to her band N Dubz, so that she can carry on labelling acts as ‘boring’ without seeming like a complete hypocrite.
‘For our next album we’re looking at doing something that isn’t completely shit. And Dappy might even take that stupid fucking hat off.’