Education experts and politicians alike have been surprised by the conclusions of an Ofsted enquiry. Sir Michael Wilshire, newly appointed Chief Inspector, outlined the key findings of Ofsted's fifteen year research project. "Contrary to popular belief, it seems that there are more than just two types of student. Up until now, the received wisdom has been quite straightforward. Bright children go into the professions; where you keep your hands clean unless you get a leaky pen, have a nice office with coffee machine and tell other, more stupid, people what to do. Whereas children who are a bit lacking in, how shall I put this - err, the academic rigour department - are in some mystical way ideal for craft-based careers like mechanical engineering and construction".
"This simplistic analysis hasn't been examined in detail before. Mainly because it's been just too useful for politicians and TV news schedulers. To our complete astonishment it turn out that a student who can't be arsed to concentrate for long enough to learn how to spell his own name isn't necessarily best suited to repairing vehicle braking systems, installing an RSJ to support a multi-storey car park or pressure testing the hydraulic control systems on a Boeing 747".
A sweating Lord Digby (Bigb'y) Jones, looking as uncomfortably squeezed into his suit as a night club bouncer in the Old Bailey Dock, also expressed his surprise. The chubby all-you-can-eat menu enthusiast and former Director General of the CBI said "Could you pass the ketchup? For many years I've been a great champion of all less academic children being hoofed out of school at the age of 14 and hived off into greasy overalls and craft apprenticeships. We'll now have to reconsider the whole situation. Still, where I live in the Cotswolds, open fires are becoming more popular, so chimney sweeping is sure to make a comeback. How big is a 6 year old these days?"
All coments & suggestions to improve this before seeing if worth posting in Writers Room most welcome.
Q1: Did I read the headline somewhere well known?
Right, must be off. Today is 'landscaping' the front lawns of 4fun Towers so an early breakfast is called for.