Supermarket giant Tesco have been forced to replace the ‘You shop, we drop’ slogan for their home delivery service after admitting that many staff had taken it too literally.
The last 12 months have seen the company hit with record numbers of goods being returned as ‘damaged on delivery’, and their Online Director Jeremy Thomas admits that a drastic change was needed.
‘Some of our colleagues in the delivery department seem to have taken the slogan at face value. It appears they would routinely fill an online order, take the goods up to the mezzanine floor of the warehouse, and throw them 20 feet down to the ground, before loading the battered mess onto the van for delivery.’ said Mr Thomas, ‘Our customers expect fruit and veg to be already past its best and pretty much inedible when it arrives, but they don’t expect it to also be covered with vinegar, mayonnaise and shards of broken glass from the rest of their order.’
The new slogan which will take effect immediately is ‘You select the products you would like to purchase using our online ordering system, we package them safely and securely and deliver them to your house at an inconvenient time, occasionally within the use by date’.
‘Ok, so it’s not so snappy as the original, and has lost the rhyming element, but we estimate that it will save us somewhere around £120 million this year alone from not having to write off damaged goods.’ continued Mr Thomas, ‘We can then invest that saving into investigating new ways to make shopping with us more painful, like closing all but one checkout at peak hours, fitting all our trolleys with brakes that apply themselves at random, or encouraging our staff to start pushing over old women in the middle of busy aisles.’