Geordie fans, upset at the re-naming of St James' Park to the Sports Direct stadium, are wandering around inside the ground looking for someone to complain to. However, despite its vast size, the Sports Direct stadium is run by just two very elusive members of staff.
"It’s typical of Ashley," moaned season ticket holder Steve Holt, referring to Newcastle owner Mike Ashley, "he doesn’t give a shit about us and now he’s named the ground after a company that doesn’t give a shit about its customers. I’m ready to ask for my money back if anyone dares to show their face."
Many others are waiting to air their disagreements. One fan has been standing with his shoe off and holding a size 12 Adidas football boot aloft for several hours without managing to attract the attention of anyone.
Not everyone is unhappy with the situation though. It is understood that a small group of Newcastle fans are particularly looking forward to the forthcoming game against Chelsea. They are said to all have smilin' faces, and will be going down the Sports Direct to see that bleedin' racist.
(Another attempt at re-using the same line)