The father of new born Lilly Blossom, has announced that he will be seeking the extradition of his daughter to the European Court of Human Rights with the intention to have her tried for war crimes, namely Torture.
'Not even George Bush or Tony Blair advocated sleep deprivation' her red-eyed father told us. 'But she is relentless. The minute my eyes close, she screams at the top of her lungs and makes sure I know she is there. Then just to add insult to injury, as I get up, she falls asleep, leaving me wide awake watching BBC News at 3 in the morning'. He then broke down in a shaking wreck, crying, as he recounted the following 8 hours of the crying and 'Hardtalk'.
His solicitor told us why he has taken the step of involving the European Court. 'My client has not slept more than 5 minutes in the last 5 days. It is affecting all aspects of his life, and Lilly's torture techniques are extremely advanced, making any Far East human rights abuses look like playground Chinese burns'
A spokesman for the Court in Strasbourg confirmed, 'We have received the papers that mean we can begin the extradition process. The age of a person should not be considered when prosecuting in cases of torture, and to prove it we will also be looking into the allegation she was sick on his shoulder during a winding session. This evil and calculated act may amount to water-boarding