Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi announced yesterday that after more than 20 years in frontline duty, his penis would be standing down from public office.
‘My right honourable member has given his best days in upstanding service to this country,’ said Mr Berlusconi in a statement. ‘Over the years it’s had its ups and downs and its ups again, and at times it’s divided the population, but no one could ever question its commitment to the tireless pursuit of good causes. I am proud that my penis will be leaving behind a considerable legacy of achievement.’
Mr Berlusconi’s penis, which has defied advancing years in pursuing a full and relentless programme of activity, will remain in office during the current economic instability in order to provide reassurance to anyone seeking it.
‘There are questions about whether Italy can service its debts, so it is important that at this difficult time my penis continues its hard and unending work of servicing whatever needs doing,’ he said. ‘You can see that inflation is becoming an issue, but at my age that’s inevitable. Nevertheless, my interest rates remain high and all the key performance indicators are pointing up.’
After saying farewell to public service at an exclusive party to be held later this month, it is understood that Mr Berlusconi’s penis will spend more time pursuing his lifelong passion for engaging the younger generation.