The heads of the G20 Nations have unanimously agreed to cap the interest rates applicable to Sovereign debt bonds at 3% for at least one year. Across each nation of the group of 20 most powerful nations on earth, preparations are under way to bring the change into law in each nation state and ensure that no more countries need bailing out while the present global financial crisis continues.
'You've all seen what happens,' said US President Barack Obama, 'a country has a few problems, rumours start circulating that they can't afford to make payments on their national debt, and the interest rate goes up. People start to think they are even less likely to pay it back, so the rate goes up again, and when it gets to 7%, just look at Greece, Portugal, Spain and Italy. While my education doesn't extend to Old European languages, I believe each of those proud nations must have a word for 'toast'.
'In times of competition, this is fine; interest rate rises punish lack of fiscal accountability and reckless spending, and are designed to make governments offload their debt elsewhere. But I have to stress that, at the moment; and how can I put this diplomatically; politically delicately? THERE IS NO FUCKING COMPETITION. And that's where global capitalism breaks down.'
'It came to me in a dream and I woke up this morning, my pride swelling, and the sense that we can get this proud nation and others around the globe back on their feet,' he added. 'Who's in charge? Who have the people asked to be the Daddy? Is it Goldman Sachs? Is it Merrill Lynch? Is it the Yang Tong Fong (Hong Kong) Investment fund? Well no. I have to say with pride, and yes, honour, and duty, for the great American people, and in praise of a globally persuasive Morning Glory, C'est moi'.
'Et Moi,' added Sarkozy, 'Und Mich,' added Merkel, 'and don't forget me,' added Nick Clegg.
'Why the hell didn't we think of this before?' added Obama, scratching his head and wondering off to play with the dogs on the White House lawn.
With capitalism on hold for the next 12 months, the elected leaders of the most powerful nations on earth finally having shown that they are in charge and not the markets, and the prospect that no other country will need bailing out in order to appease the money men, the G20 turned to other issues and unanimously agreed it really was time for Silvio Berlusconi to fuck off.