A delegation of zebras today visited the headquarters of the United Nations in a bid to receive international recognition for their inalienable rights to liberty, justice and not being eaten by lions.
‘Everyday we are persecuted and threatened by a bigoted minority of the animal kingdom because of who we are,’ said a spokeszebra. ‘What we are talking about here is a holocaust. Only last week my brother was torn limb from limb by a lion in an unprovoked attack – it was a complete violation of his fundamental rights. In the 21st century it is simply not acceptable that we are discriminated against on the basis of the colours of our skin or the succulent tenderness of our meat.’
Zebras have presented a draft resolution to the UN which, among other things, seeks recognition for their right to freedom of speech, to freedom of religious expression and to freedom from forming the main course of a carnivore’s evening meal. The resolution is understood to receive the backing of the wildebeest and water buffalo delegations.
Commentators say that the treatment of zebras at the hands of lions has led to many fleeing their homelands and seeking asylum in neighbouring areas. ‘What is needed now is the creation of an independent zebra state,’ said one expert. ‘Zebras also need safe passage through the disputed savannah territories, so we are calling for the introduction of neutral travel zones, or ‘zebra crossings’.’
The UN has promised to take immediate action by deploying 500 ringmasters to the affected areas to prevent further violence. It has promised that lions guilty of atrocities against zebras will face justice in the International Carnivore Court.
‘Lions need to accept that murder is a criminal offence no matter how hungry you are,’ continued the zebra. ‘Their whole species has blood on its paws. I hope they are proud of themselves.’