In a move described as "Probably the best thing for everyone in the long run", boy-turned-man pop pin up Justin Bieber today agreed to assume the role of "brother" to his potential new child.
Mariah Yeater has filed legal papers claiming to have had sex with Bieber backstage at a concert, suggesting it was the baby faced swordsman's debut performance and that he finished his entire repertoire in "around 30 seconds".
After tense legal wranglings Bieber's legal representatives agreed that, should a paternity test prove him to be the father of Ms Yeater's child, he would move into her new LA mansion with his new family but assume the role of sibling to his spawn. He would also pay 'housekeeping' of $20m a year for the next twenty years.
In return Mr Bieber will not be expected to change any nappies or do any feeding and can have fish fingers whenever he wants. Additionally, Ms Yeater "may not encourage Mr Bieber to put his winky into her lady cave again". His room can be painted black if that's what he really wants, but he can't have a dog until he proves he can look after one.
Mr Bieber's spokesman said "Obviously if Justin turns out to be the father, he wants to be involved in the baby's life. But everyone realises no kid is ever going to look at him and think "Dad" so we agreed instead that he should take the role of older brother. That'll probably screw the kid up less."
It is thought Boris Becker has sent Bieber a message, inviting the star to spend some time at Costly Mistakes- his support centre for celebrities who find themselves in just such a predicament.