As the leaders of countries around the world try to figure out the answer to their financial problems, David Cameron has announced his latest initiative to help curb public spending, with the release of a white paper on Mandatory Euthanasia.
'This measure will have a huge saving on public spending' the Prime Minister told the gathered journalists. 'Essentially, everybody that reaches the grand old age of 70 will be given a lethal injection. By giving people their 'death day' on the same day as their birthday, men will only have to remember one anniversary'
'Every person in the the UK will now retire at 65. Then they have 5 years to do what they like, before the local G.P pops round and gives we what are calling the 'Shipman jab'. The benefits to society as a whole will be great, and this is an example of a 'new young politics.''
Ministers from every department have backed this proposal, all with a list of well prepared statements. Iain Duncan Smith, work and pensions secretary said 'This one piece of legislation will completely rid us of the pension deficit and will actually leave us with a pension credit. We can use that money to not only increase the state pension, but also give help to any other oil rich country that may or may not need our help.'
The health secretary, Andrew Lansley, told us, 'These people are nothing short of a drain on the NHS. 10% of the people use 90% of the services. We believe we could close 75 hospitals in the first year.' Even the Secretary of State for transport Justine Greening saw the benefits of knocking off the old. 'The amount of old people clogging up the roads by having accidents and driving slowly has reached critical levels. Take them off the road and everyone is a winner. Other road users have reduced stress levels and there will be less Co2 in the air. So thinking about it, putting those over 70 to sleep is actually very environmentally friendly'
On the streets, we noticed a mixed reaction to the announcement. John Bailey, 42 from London told us, 'I agree that we should be getting rid of these slow, inconvenient, burdens on society and drain on the public purse, especially when they come up with policy like this'
'Queues at the Post Office, under-occupied housing, tripping over on the High Street, all of these issues will be a thing of the past,' Mr Cameron continued at the news briefing, before going on to clarify to an over excited Daily Mail reporter that this has nothing to do with killing the 'youth in Asia'
The Prime Minister then faced many difficult questions from every section of the media but he could still manage a small, gentle and knowing smile when told that Ken Clarke would only let this happen 'over his dead body'