Students say their fight against higher tuition fees in England could reach an early conclusion, thanks to their plan to sit awkwardly on their chairs before the upcoming election.
The National Union of Students says that a majority of the 7 million students in the UK have agreed to join the seat-swinging campaign -- a concerted plan to risk massive injuries by rocking backwards on their seats, chairs or stools, possibly even pirouetting on one leg -- at 9.30am this Thursday unless more election candidates agree to vote against the tuition fee rise.
Further student rebellion is likely in the days leading up to the election, including the massed twanging of rulers on the edges of desks, a huge paper plane dogfight over the weekend and, most worryingly, an increase in the deployment of stationery products such as rubber bands and paperclips -- a move anticipated to cause any number of 'ow-that-stung-my-neck' and 'that-could-have-had-my-eye-out' incidents.
Election candidates are now said to be 'desperate' to sign up to the campaign ahead of Thursday's first protest -- over 1,000 have already agreed to vote against the rise. With only 13 Conservatives signed up, however, the NUS believes their plans will still need to go forward. 'We've got 200 Labour, 400 Lib Dem, 200 Green and 200 UKIP candidates on board, so the Tories can certainly do much better,' said NUS president Aaron Porter, admitting afterwards that the Green and UKIP figures 'just look good' and 'really don't count for much'.
Conservative candidates are said to be 'unfazed' at the threats made by the NUS, with many saying that anyone who can't afford to go to university should keep away in any case. The NUS expects many more Conservatives to subscribe to their stand against a rise in fees once their top-secret 'operation twat-a-toff' goes ahead next Tuesday.