An anti-capitalist camping outside St Paul’s Cathedral in London confirmed today the experience has inspired him to start “ProtestEx” – the world’s first event management company dedicated to ‘making sure your bid to overthrow the status quo goes without a hitch’
‘The people running this one have done brilliantly’ said Christopher James of Kingham, Oxon. ‘It’s a great central location, near Starbucks and Pizza Express, and there’s plenty of opportunities for a few sherbets in the evening .But all the organisers are like, hippies and unemployed, and that got me thinking – what if you wanted to start a protest, but couldn’t fit the destruction of the entire bourgeois rentier system into your busy working schedule? You’d need an events manager – just like if you were planning to get married’
If successful, Mr James hopes to branch out into causes, before looking at a stock market flotation in 2015. ‘Fox hunting, anti-nuclear, anti-murdoch – you hate it, we’ll help you hate it’ he continued. ‘Obviously we can’t promise your protest will succeed, but we can guarantee you unlimited skinny macchiatos during the attempt.’
ProtestEx offers to handle all aspects of creating a protest, from catering to communication to accommodation. ‘We can sell you colour-co-ordinated tents that spell out your aims when viewed from a BBC helicopter – I’ve got a source in Shanghai’ said Mr James. ‘ And if you’re worried about security, we’ve negotiated favourable rates with G4. Can you imagine if gypos showed up on your campsite, with their dogs, unruly children and big fat brides? Nightmare! The last thing you want when demonstrating to save the world is a bunch of selfish people only worried about their own needs. We’ll stop them for you – for a fee’.