‘Absolutely appalling’, ‘not what you expect’ and ‘is nothing sacred’ were just a few of the mutterings uttered by the crowd as they left a small South London theatre where Jim Davidson had performed the opening night of his comeback tour. The 58 year old comedian had left his audience stunned by neglecting to mention darkies, niggers or ‘coming over here taking our jobs’ at all during the ninety minute set. To add salt to the wound he also failed to, even once, pull the corners of his eyes to make them go ‘slitty’.
‘Jim provides, or provided, a last bastion of free speech in reference to foreigners in this over sanitised and politically correct world,’ explained Rick Giffin, whilst removing all the black ones from a packet of wine gums, ‘the fact that even he appears to have succumbed makes me feel rather sad for the human race. It also makes me want to kick his fucking head in, he probably discovered his great Granddad was a Paki or something. Wine Gum?’
But this slur on the UK’s racist community was not the main issue to come out of Mr Davidson’s performance, something considerably more suspicious has taken the whole country by surprise leaving many people upset and confused. Within minutes of the show's completion rumours were circulating that the set had included some actual comedy, with some people claiming to have actively laughed during it. James Docherty, from Warwick, is one example of the many people that have been adversely affected by the show without having seen it themselves.
‘I bought tickets for my mother in law and her obnoxious husband for Mr Davidson’s show in good faith, and what does he do? Entertains them. They enjoyed it! She now thinks I’ve ‘crossed the bridge’ and like the pair of them. Fuck that, for her next birthday she’s getting England football tickets.’