“Chick peas! Olive oil! Vine leaves! All my Greek mates agree, they’ve got like a monster cuisine, so when Angela and Nico called me up and said, like, we need help with the old Euro bollocks-up, I knew exactly what the solution was. Little nutty pastries and live yoghurt and that! And if I rush out a book and a TV series and like promise to donate say…..well some of the profits, as well as like opening a string of Greek crisis themed restaurants in Hoxton and Stoke Newington and maybe even Athens, with unemployed teenagers handing out the meatballs… Bish bash bosh, crisis averted, Colonels told where they can stick their Junta! Stop looking for those Drachmas that went down the back of the sofa, and lay the table, that’s what I say. Jamie’s done it again, like he done it for the Education system and that.
Yup. All fixed, before you can say Papa….Panapa..Papandreou. We could film me cooking on that island where they're all lesbians. I bet they'll change their mind when they see the size of Jamie's souvlakis! Here, I’ve just had another like brilliant idea. Greek celebrities maybe come up with their favourite recipes. Nina Mouskouri’s Moussaka. Or vice versa. Stelios’s... I dunno, EasyFeta or summink. Harry Enfield could do a “loadsa debt” sketch. Priceless!! It’ll be like Live Aid with better nosh. Eat your heart out Sir Bob!! Then try some of this houmous. Blinding! We’re not doing kebabs, though. Lower the tone, I reckon.”