Popular 'Science entertainment' TV show MythBusters have responded to suggestions that the presenters are just overgrown kids playing with toys by investigating more grown-up topics, starting with whether excessive masturbation really can affect your eyesight.
Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman, creators of the show, have been accused of selecting myths to bust based on what allows them to set fire to things, blow stuff up, or ride in stunt planes, rather than addressing serious issues. They have vowed to alter that impression in the new series by looking into themes which affect millions of people around the world, beginning with the first episode on the sticky topic of onanism.
‘People out there think we’re just having fun rather than doing valid scientific research.’ says Hyneman, ‘So we held a poll on the website asking fans to let us know what science-related issues they wanted us to look into. Top of the list was whether spanking the monkey seven times a day could lead to long-term deterioration in vision. So we took up that challenge and got cracking. So to speak.’
The episode sees team member Grant Imahara undergo a thorough eye examination before taking up residence in a specially constructed ‘wanking booth’ for a month. He has regular meals provided but no other distractions as he furiously masturbates for days on end, with the aid of a high-speed internet connection and a healthy supply of lube. The usual message warning viewers ‘don’t try this at home’ was left out, after being deemed to be years too late for many people.
‘After he'd spent a month trying to turn himself inside out we tested Grant’s eyesight again and the results were amazing.’ continues Hyneman, ‘I won’t ruin it for you by telling you what we found, but I will say that by the end his right forearm looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s.’
Speculation amongst the show’s fans seems to be leaning towards the theory having been proved to be false, with many pointing to the example of Piers Morgan, who doesn’t wear glasses despite having been a complete wanker for decades.