“We don’t want your out of date butter beans and pilchards, and we’ve got no idea what a butternut squash is,” said Maisie Jenkinson (76), the spokesperson for Mellow Fruitfulness, the older person’s group campaigning for improvement in Harvest Festival gifts. “We may be in the Autumn of our years, but that doesn’t mean we can’t read a sell by date. And we certainly don’t want tins of hard toffee left over from Halloween.” The campaign is asking donors for “high end” canned goods, and points to caviar and pate as potential favourites, with preserves and virgin olive oils a close second. It’s also appealing for bottled goods with long shelf lives. “Stuff liberated from Fortnum and Masons by them protestors would be ideal” suggested Mrs Jenkinson (81). “Frankly, if anyone offers us a cauliflower or a marrow, they know where they can shove it. I’m 83 by the way, but that don’t mean I won’t appreciate some Gourmet truffle pates, a half litre can of authentic cassoulet or a 250 gram tin of Old Holborn. What do you mean, Harvest Fesival's already over? What about Ramadan, then?”
Elderly demand luxury canned goods for Harvest Festival
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Full House nick. Great opener to ending
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