Reports have emerged that, at the time of his capture, Gaddafi was arguing on the telephone with British hypnotist Paul Mckenna about the immediate withdrawal of his status as a Neuro-Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner. McKenna later said “We can’t have misfits and losers like Mr Gaddafi bringing the world of Neuro-Linguistic Programming into question”
Gaddafi’s planned motivation and self help company http://www.happy-gaddafi.com is still online at the time of this report, but it is thought now to be unlikely that he will be able to open his first seminar in Crawley on the 14th November.
Rebel news sources are also claiming that Gaddafi had been planning a “boy’s night in” this evening at his retreat, with invites said to include Mahmoud Armadinejad, Kim Jong-Il, Simon Cowell and Robert Mugabe. Several six-packs of Carling were seized during the raid, as well as a number of two litre Coca Cola bottles and as many as fourteen family-sized bags of Doritos, with rebels scattering spicy potato chips down the streets of Sirte as they let off celebratory gunfire.
“We think they were planning a game of Risk, followed possibly by Dance Party 3 on the X Box,” one rebel commander told us. “Luckily his neighbours, who are old family friends, were becoming increasingly worn down since August by the music and raucous shouting that usually accompanies these games, and one of them (who wishes to remain nameless) tipped us off.”
Captured Gaddafi was said to be furious after learning that ‘metal thieves’ in Tripoli have stolen his prized fist/fighter jet sculpture from his old compound. “I made that in sixth form design technology class!!! My mum’s gonna be furious!” the deposed and maimed tyrant thundered, as he was carried away from his Sirte home on a stretcher.