The age-old belief that fish have no long-term memory was cast into doubt today when it was discovered that goldfish are more frightened of a Tory government than the British public. In a series of rigorously controlled experiments, scientists at Cambridge University exposed fish to recordings of speeches given by leading conservative figures of the 1980s and 1990s, including Norman Tebbitt’s infamous 1990 ‘Cricket test’ and Margaret Thatcher’s speech on ‘section 28’ at the 1988 Conservative Party conference.
The fish were visibly distressed by the soundbites, retreated to the sanctuary of a their mini castle when shown pictures of the Tory politicians from the era, and in some cases refused to eat for days when a miniature of Norman Lamont was placed in the tank. The most extreme reaction took place when Mr Flippy, the 23 yr old Goldfish from Dagenham, threw himself out of the water, filleted himself and set off for Rick Stein’s restaurant after being shown a picture of Michael Howard.
