Twinings has upped the ante in the ferocious battle for the British tea drinker. In response to Tetley's 'tea-bagging' viral ads, Twinings latest TV advert features full penetrative sex.
"Sex sells", said Marketing director Ron Jeremy. "We saw a 30% increase in sales when Stephen Fry read out words like 'moistness', 'perforations' and 'cunnilingus' over a video of a kettle coming to the boil. We followed it up with a short Hentai film with the tagline 'I've never been up me', and our sales went mad, people couldn't wait to get their hands on a box. It was a lot more popular than those crappy little Tetley doodles, I can tell you."
The latest advert combines a Co-Ed sleep-over with a buggers' muddle, to a sound track by the Brighouse and Rastrick Colliery Band. "Our test audience loved it", said Jeremy. "ABC1s didn't comment but got really hot under their white collars, and most of the Ds started rutting."
Tetley aren't taking the advertising campaign on directly, but are instead giving away tokens that can be collected for an 8-inch vibrating, rubber tea stirrer.