Senior members of the clergy have denounced the decision to remove all references to Christmas from top-selling pornographic DVD ‘Horny XXXmas’ as an example of political correctness gone mad, it has emerged.
The film, which has been re-titled ‘Horny Winterval’, originally featured the sexploits of an office Christmas party that descends into a full scale orgy following the announcement of above average yearly sales figures.
The new version will surely disappoint fans of bongo films and churchgoers alike. Chief among the edited scenes is one where two female colleagues cavort under a fir tree decorated with fake snow, baubles and a fairy, while a noticeably aroused Father Christmas showers the pair with silly string. The fir tree has now been replaced with a ‘holiday tree’ - little more than an overgrown cheese plant - and Father Christmas has mutated into a hunky Photocopier Repair Man called ‘Chris’.
To make matters worse, the previous dialogue in which Santa informs the delighted, and hitherto well-behaved employees, that he has ‘a big hot Christmas bonus comin’ right atcha’ has been radically altered. After replacing the flash bulb on a zeitgeisty Canon XCZ3000 Dual Interface Photocopier, Chris delivers the line ‘Oh yeah, I got a big winter bonus for ya right here. You like that huh?‘ A later scene which features Santa coming down a chimney has vanished altogether.
Derek Jarvey, an Anglican bishop, who heads the pressure group Anglicans Resisting Secular Encroachment, sees more sinister forces at work. Last night Mr Jarvey was keen to draw attention to the fact that the DVD’s producers, Hot Splash Entertainment, are headed by none other than Jeffrey Cunliffe, co-owner of one of the largest hal al meat farms in the US.
And James Deacon, a former minister, and founder of Presbyterians United against the Sweeping Secularisation of Yuletide said,
‘The decision to axe the reindeer from the final group scene and replace it with a horse pays no respect to the traditional Christmas narrative and has confused and annoyed me far more than the stilted dialogue and the absence of any decent money shots. ’
‘I shall be writing a very stern letter to Hot Splash just as soon as my wrist recovers. ’