Panorama has described the running dry of a section of the river Thames near Woolwich as "a rather serious situation. There is water in the river two miles upstream so it's just flowing down and disappearing somewhere”.
Low rainfall is to blame for the river drying up, according to the Mayor or London, but Panorama has uncovered what they describe as something more sinister. “Only last week, the Mayor had described how in the last depression, poor Londoners who could not afford to holiday aboard, or even in Southend on Sea, were provided with a makeshift beach near Tower Bridge, on which they could holiday to their hearts content” said a spokesperson for the programme. “Boris has parted the river and intends turning it into a mini Ibiza” they claim.
Brian Will, their chief investigative reporter has secretly filmed lorry loads of sand (disguised as salt) originating from Cheshire, meandering down the M1 and parked up in a Council yard, a stone’s throw from where river has run dry. “It cannot be salt” he continued, “as no council is preparing itself for winter yet, that doesn’t happen until the roads are too dangerous to transport it”!
Panorama has also uncovered the fact that the Mayor has been in secret talks with both the Bridlington on Sea Tourist Board and Butlins, further strengthening the theory that Woolwich is to be turned into an upmarket holiday resort.
“We have the drugs, we have the poor disenchanted youth, all we need now is a beach for them to sleep on during the day” says Brian Will.
The Mayor’s office was unavailable to comment as Johnson was chairing a meeting winding up the Thames Shield Anti-Piracy Task Force, which becomes redundant now vessels can no longer navigate the Thames. (see http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31849)