Unemployment figures are expected to fall drastically over the quarter as the government pledges to agree with an often thrown around phrase, and recognise 'being a mum' as a full-time job.
Mothers for years have complained that their duties are not seen as important and they have not been given the recognition they deserve. So in a bid to keep them happy and help reduce the ever growing unemployment figures, the Department of No Work and Worthless Pensions will, from December 1st, recognise Mothers as full-time employees of nature.
At a press conference launching the new policy, the smug minister told us, "I think we have struck gold with this one. Not only are hundreds of thousands of Mums finally being recognised by society for their hard work and commitment and stuff but, and here's the good bit, as full-time workers they lose their benefits, saving us a load of cash. They also come off the unemployment figures. Basically it's win-win". We did try asking the man holding the minister's hand how this would affect families across the country, but he duly informed us "I'm not a civil servant, I'm just here to keep him company"
The policy has been met with mixed feelings from those at Mumsnet. Their spokeswoman told us ,"we are glad that Mums up and down the land are finally having their hard work recognised, but on the other hand they will be losing a source of income. This means their husbands will now be financially responsible for not only the mortgage and children, but also for the daily skinny latte and skinny blueberry muffin that is a tool of the job."
Protests are expected to be widespread, however will be contained to between 9am and 3pm when the kids are at school. Officials and security staff have been warned to be extra vigilant after a suspicious liquid was discovered in the underwear of a small child. The suspected 'nappy bomber' just needed changing but officials have used the case to highlight the possible dangers of mothers using dirty tactics