The Metropolitan Police have issued a public appeal for help with creating a ‘really cool sounding acronym’ in an attempt to reduce gun crime in London.
Deputy Commissioner Tim Godwin is convinced this is the best way of countering the worrying rise in shootings on the streets of the capital.
‘Everybody knows that the best way of dealing with an issue effectively is with a snappy acronym. Since the introduction of SOCA there has been virtually no serious or organised crime in Britain, and the COBRA committee has proved capable of solving all sorts of problems, including the innovative dispersal of the recent riots by making it rain.’
‘We firmly believe that the right acronym could solve the problem at a stroke, and without any tricky business like trying to understand the cause of the problem, or engaging with the community.’
Struggling for inspiration, the Met are now hoping that a member of the public will step forward and provide the answer.
‘We’ve pretty much settled on the fact that we want it to spell RIFLE’ continued Mr Godwin, ‘because that’s nice and sensitive. But we can’t come up with anything plausible to get to it, despite trying all kinds of words that sound vaguely impressive without really meaning anything. So far we’ve got 'Reactive, Innovative, Firearms Lessening Effort', which is frankly a bit rubbish.’
Initial public response has been encouraging, with many people taking the opportunity to try to help out. There has even been a suggestion that the planned use of RIFLE may be abandoned after one particularly impressive suggestion of 'Tactical Weapons And Threat Solutions' caught the imagination.