A Wymondham GP claims to have stumbled on a simple wonder cure against most common ailments. Dr Jolyon Fletcher takes up the story:
‘I’d been shopping with my wife, Marigold, and got home feeling terrible. My head was throbbing, my back was aching and my corns were giving me jip. But after a cuppa and a nice sit down, my symptoms completely disappeared. That got me thinking.’
Dr Fletcher’s thoughts turned to how his radical breakthrough could be used to help his Norfolk patients, with dramatic results.
‘Most patients responded well to a cuppa and a nice sit down. And unlike expensive drug therapies, none of them exhibited evidence of side effects or allergy.
‘Apart from the appendix patient who was unfortunately whisked off to hospital before I could get the kettle on and the woman with the heart condition – who, I still maintain, would have pulled through if she’d taken a few more sips of Earl Grey – I’ve been encouraged by the positive preliminary results.’
The Norfolk medic hopes to take his studies further by seeking funding for a Cuppa and a Nice Sit Down Institute to be established in nearby Poringland.
‘More research is desperately needed,’ he enthused. ‘There are still so many unanswered questions. Do Lidl tea-bags work as well as Darjeeling leaves? Is herbal tea good for anything other than minor cuts and abrasions? What are the relative roles of the milk and the sugar?
‘And there is the whole unknown area of the sitting down phase of the treatment to consider. Is a comfy armchair or a sofa necessary? Or – in these cash-strapped times – could the NHS make do with a plastic chair or a cheap beanbag?’
In addition, the East Anglian practitioner is keen to pursue research into paediatric applications. ‘If we could persuade the little blighters to sit down for ten minutes and drink tea instead of fizzy colas, I’m pretty confident a cuppa and a nice sit down could eradicate childhood diseases like chicken pox and German measles within a couple of years.’
But Dr Fletcher’s dream is to see a cuppa and a nice sit down used in the fight against more serious conditions.
‘If a cuppa and a nice sit down can work magic on my corns – and they are corkers, and no mistake – think what miracles it could perform in a busy A&E department on patients with gun shot wounds or multiple injuries from road traffic accidents.’
At the same time, Dr Fletcher cautioned against raising unrealistic hopes.
‘I’m not saying a cuppa and a nice sit down could cure cancer, but – come on guys – it’s got to be worth giving it a go.’