In an announcement which will delight shoppers and the city alike, a fourteen-figure number of Nectar points and Tesco Club Cards points will be released into the economy to boost consumer spending. Eight billion air miles will also be created, enough for a family to travel to Saturn and back (terms and conditions apply) In addition, Boots Advantage Card owners will get a free nail care kit, and in a surprise move, Green Shield Stamps (which met their end in 1983) will become valid until the end of the year.
Junior Industry Minister Sally Jones said the scheme was the result of months of negotiating between retailers, the bank and government: “This will further ease quantitative easing, making it easy like a Sunday morning.” The Nectar deal alone is thought to be worth the value of one 200 gram box of unbranded cereal for every man, woman and child in the South East of England. Air mile collectors with more than 10,000 miles will, as a result, be entitled to a packet of cheesy biscuits on selected flights, subject to status.
There are also moves to make quantitative easing – essentially creating money to inject into the economic system – more economic. Treasury spokesman Norman Armstrong said “Printing the £64 billion the government will feed into the economy to help kick start growth doesn’t come cheap. This quantitative easing is surprisingly hard on the resources of the Royal Mint.” So, in a pilot scheme the government has emailed pdf’s of three twenty pound notes to the whole adult population of Doncaster. The catch - everyone has to print their own money. Critics have pointed out that this amounts to a licence to print money. But Industry Minister Sally Jones argued: “With the increase in loyalty points put in place, there’s never been a better time to buy a full colour printer and a range of coloured inks. Get down to Argos!”
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48 trillion Nectar points to be put into the economy to boost recovery.
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nickb
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