A rare Loch Ness monster sibling has been sighted in the River Thames deep into London for the first time last week. Although normally associated with the Loch in Scotland, this is the first time the species has been discovered out of its normal habitat.
The fact this Nessie was a juvenile, just 5 feet long, suggests a breeding colony may be hiding somewhere in the Thames, having moved South due to climate change hype and the price of fish.
William FitzGerald, a fisheries officer at the Environment Agency, said: "This is a really good sign that the Nessie population is not only increasing, but spreading to locations where drunken Scots haven't seen them before".
"We routinely survey the Thames at this time of year after the pub crawl finishes and this is a really exciting discovery. We first saw a long neck, forming a number of arches a little thicker than a elephant's trunk, skin like an elephant, two very short fore legs and a huge lumbering body heading along the shore line towards Tower bridge.
At first we thought it was David Walliams seeking more publicity, but a quick check with Max Clifford indicated that Walliams was currently in Columbia practising for his next charity swim down the length of the Amazon"
Nessie was alive when captured but was released unharmed, which is more than can be said for David Walliams who yesterday, was apparently mistaken by the Columbian police for a drug runners submarine and sunk without trace.