The Football Association today announced that all players will be given bromide before each game. Failure to adhere to this could result in the player being suspended and their club being deducted points.
The move comes after chiefs at the FA held a crucial meeting to discuss the amount of allegations of sexual assault towards professional footballers. A spokesperson for the Football Association said: "The FA are under no illusion that some professional footballers are just absolute shits. However, a meeting was held and it was agreed that the use of bromide will be introduced to help reduce the risk of nasty allegations being made towards players."
The news was met with anger from numerous players with one, who wishes to remain anonymous, saying: "How the hell are we supposed to wind down after a gruelling 90 minutes? Spend time with our wives and kids? No way man! This stuff will make us behave like people who have no fun in their lives. What am I supposed to do? If it wasn't for the hefty wage, I would pack it all in."
The first course of bromide is expected to be introduced on Saturday 15th October 2011.