In a shock to the publishing world, the Telegraph newspaper claims to have evidence that the Daily Mail is not written in the UK at all, but in third world sweat shops.
After years of claiming that the cause of everyone’s problems was asylum seekers, it has been sensationally revealed that the Mail itself is profiting from the very people it campaigns against.
“It’s a clever tactic” says once source “they move attention away from themselves by pointing the finger at everyone else”. The full extent of the scheme has not yet been discovered, but this story is said to be the “tip of the iceberg”. The pictures of writers and names that appear in the paper are all fictitious, it is alleged.
The investigative reporter (who cannot be named) says “we have evidence that teams of child writers churn out these articles in squalid rooms in the Indian subcontinent. The younger children draw crayon pictures, and these form the basis for stories written by the older children.” The stories are typed and then sent by asylum seeker into England, sometimes via eastern Europe to muddy the trail.
When pressed for comment, a spokesman for the Mail replied “No speaky! No speaky!” and ran off into the forest.