The former Chief inspector of schools, Chris Woodhead, has put himself firmly back in the spotlight today by suggesting that children should be kept at school, 24/7, until the age of 14.
‘Kids take up so much time; tidying up after them, feeding them, keeping them alive. We could free up millions of working hours if this burden was completely removed from the parents. Housewives are basically a waste of valuable resources, even more so now that women are seen to be almost as useful as men.’
He went on to explain that the benefits of the new system would be more far-reaching than simply freeing up the workforce, suggesting it would affect the economy of the country as a whole as well as helping to reduce the pressure for university places.
'Evenings could be used to provide more practical, hands-on training, such as how to make trainers or T-shirts; simultaneously providing the kids with useful skills and giving the UK GDP a much needed boost. We could even consider paying them a little bit, perhaps directly into a pension fund. We’d probably get it back eventually anyway.’
'And as to Univeristy places', he continued, 'If you'd been forced into education for 10 years, 24 hours a day, would you be applying to do even more? I thought not.'
The idea appears to have been received relatively well throughout the UK, especially with the parents of larger families.
‘It’s an excellent idea,’ said Janet Spillberry, mother of 8, ‘At last I’ll have a chance to watch all the programs I have saved on my Sky+ box, also I won’t have to waste half the child support on the kids. I would have to go down the dole office myself though, instead of sending one of the boys.’
As expected there has been a massive backlash to the suggestions from all of the teachers’ unions, who believe the increase in their working hours from around 34 a week to 168 to be ‘really fucking unfair’, but Mr Woodhead was quick to downplay their concerns.
‘They’ve had it easy for years with their 9.00 – 3.30 working hours, 13 weeks holiday and ‘educational’ trips to the zoo, it’s about time they paid some of that back.’