From today, agitated nuns will no longer be allowed to enlighten up to ease their frustration as new laws ban cigarette vending machines. Nuns rely on the machines due to the extensive nun-curfew laws brought in last year. Instead, nuns are said to be taking out any stress they have by kicking a piñata-scarecrow hybrid, a papier-mâché Andrew Lansley dressed in a habit, and filled with Cuban cigars.
The new sport, dubbed "Sister Sledge-Hammer", exclusive to the nun community is the second sport to originate from the religious community after the highly successful "Racing Nuns" hit the scene. Nuns, who lead a highly stressful and involved life, pottering around and trying to sneak a look at the monks in the monastery next door, often need a cigarette after a highly intensive "religious work out", which can involve anything up to 12 hours of solid prayer on a treadmill, often without reply from the Lord.
The sport involves kicking the habit-wearing Lansley until he breaks and finally relinquishes his pay-load of cigars. Sky Sports are planning to charge the smoking world £40 a month to watch the ground-breaking new sport, entitled "Whack a Whacko to Get Your Tobacco."