Ian Brownstain, who owns the local cafe ‘Fishy Finger’ in the town of Sandwich in Kent, has successfully had the food article formally known as ‘a Sandwich’ protected under the European framework for the Protected designation of origin laws.
“It’s justice at last” said Brownstain “I hope that everybody realises now that it’s not OK to pack your kids off to school with a peanut butter sandwich without at least a few pence coming our way.”
When presented with a printout of the Wikipedia page suggesting that it’s name instead originates with the Earl of Sandwich, not the town, he calmly retorted “go **** yourself”
The EMF has predicted that revenues from royalties on sandwiches worldwide could make the town of Sandwich “almost as rich as that Simon Cowell man”
World leaders, themselves partial to sandwiches and other buffet type foodstuffs, have called an emergency meeting to determine whether an alternative name can be found to mitigate excessive “Sandwich Tax” which threatens to sink the world further into financial oblivion. The leading contender comes from the Irish administration who are pushing for the foodstuff to be called a “Handfeast”, coming in second is the Swedish with “Gobblejob”
This move to seek additional revenue streams from the protection of regional specialities is not a new concept, only last year the result of the German Measles vs the European Medicines Agency case saw the cost of the illness to rise by 18%. Over the past 15 years over 70 new items have successfully been granted protection under European law, the Daily Mail has been most vocal about the following examples:
• In 1996 the Mexican Standoff became a Moustachioed Deadlock
• In 1997 we stopped buying Worcestershire Sauce after it was re-launched as Imperishable Tangy Fluid
• There was widespread resentment when in 1999 the Yorkshire Pudding formally became Generic Northern Stodge Cake
• Ginsters nearly folded in 2001 when the Cornish Pasty became known as a South Western Pastry Envelope
• Kentucky Fried Chicken has been more commonly known since 2002 as Fried Bird Particles
• Since 2004 any Croydon Facelifts performed outside of the London Borough will now have to be ‘Surgical pony tails’
• The town of Corby has left us with the Northamptonshire-style trouser flattening device – though this only applies to models built after the 2005 Trouser Press amnesty.
• Since 2007 the city of Bath has forced us to wash our private bits in a Closeted Water Alembic
• The Germans in Hamburg watch us now tuck into the Rounded Meat Slab (or a Rounded Meat Slab with Cheese) since 2008
• Since 2009, the natty dressers in Cardigan are happier that we instead sport Mini Sheep Hair Dressing Gowns
Lawyers at Mars confectionary and MoonPig.com have said they are working tirelessly to open negotiations with representatives of the namesakes of their companies but are facing an uphill battle and uncertain times. “This could get expensive” said a senior Quipologist at MoonPig.
Finally, last week, the office of the President of Iceland has announced that they are furious with the infringements on his country’s name and Olafur Ragnar Grimsson is threatening to come over and fight Kerry Katona in a car park, as soon his plane is finally cleared for takeoff.