Big boned communities secretaty Eric Pickles announced today that he had miraculously 'found' £250 million to restore weekly bin collections. "I must have been sat on it all this time...I stood up in and there it was" revealed the plumptious member for Brentwood & Ongar as he dashed between daily constituency meetings at very expensive restaurants. "The thing is, since we came to power we have been generating rubbish at a far greater rate than any previous government. Take my own waist for example, it's increased considerably over the last 16 months and I've found myself having to make significantly more 'dump trips'...which is certainly not good for the environment."
Pickles also lauded the job opportunities that would be created immediately as a direct result of his unexpected 'windfall'...news that will undoubtedly cheer up the 1000 highly skilled, well trained and exceptionally proud newly redundant ex-Royal Navy servicemen that have just entererd Britain's booming jobs market. Thanks Eric!