A frothing smorgasboard of vile insults to hurl would be very welcome
So...it turns out my partners are a bunch of cnuts. Come and make me smile.
(29 posts) (15 voices)
You could call one of them an enormous, bulging puss-barn if you wanted.
After watching Matilda with the kids, 'pissworm' is my current favourite.
Yes, very avant garde to have more than one partner simultaneously. Bravo.
Hmm. Multiple partners. Muslim then? Or just forgetful.
I think there is little to rival the sheer simplicity and elegance of the well timed and abrupt 'C' word. Some think that there is added force by a preceding 'Utter', with the emphasis on first syllable, but the jury is out on that one. As a rule though it should always be used in very very short sentences for max attack mode.
Of course there may be specific 'trigger' circumstance which could be woven into the fabric of the abuse. Size and aroma of genitalia, as appropriate, is a useful starting point and comments about general hygene and pointed questioning of personal/ professional competence and ethics and choice os sexual partners/behaviour seldom goes amiss.
I'm sure there would be plenty more suggestions were you to furnish a tad more information; so as to allow of a really bespoke insult. For maximum effectiveness there needs to be more than a grain of truth in the insult. So, for instance, if the recipient is known far and wide to be a thoroughly upright citizen in every area of life, the C word might not fit too comfortably. But take a person who, shall we say, 'smells of trouser' (I read that expression someplace but can't recall where) then incorporating something along the lines of 'and it wouldn't hurt if you changed your pants/washed your crotch more than once a quarter. Or at the very least had the common ***cking decency to provide the rest of us with an adequate supply of clothes pegs. You C [adapt as appropriate]!".
Have a nice day
"You are the tapeworms of civilsation that we have been trying to shit out for years but your remain greedily eating the filth from our inards and refuse to do the decent thing and die. I do not normally recomend killing yourself but, you sirs, would greatly increase the happiness and wellbeing of the whole world by offing yourself in as ignoble a manner as possible, perhaps with the aid of this spork. You utter utter cunts."
Yrs sincerly, etc
Ah, the 'double utter'. I'd quite quite forgotten that one. Good work thissal
Here's an Arab one that I quite like; "your mother was a whore and your father refused to pay!'
come on IronDuke, fill us in.
can't leave us hanging here, wondering WTF is going on at the veterinary surgery
It's a dog (surgeon) eat dog (surgeon) world. Although, I have it on best authority that they go all porcupiney-ish if called dog surgeons.
"Come and make me smile" is proof positive that he is not talking about work.
'Tory' often works.
Pus-faced scabs, all of them.
Cockweasel is my insult of choice at the moment.
I am humbled by your wonderful responses. I am already familiar with 'you really are a terrible cunt' which a colleague once shared with me.
Yes, there is a little rockiness in our business world. We can be divided into noble people who wish to run, graft for and develop a successful business, and free-loading skiving b*stards who want to scratch their lazy arses whilst coining in the pennies. Previous suspicions confirmed by thorough accounting report, and startled inaction and evasion from el skivo's.
Ooooh, the catharsis. I shall garner 'cockweasel' and 'pissworm' for our next meeting, but perhaps retain 'your mother is a whore and your father refused to pay' for a little mental imagery. And I assure you, somehow, somewhere, I will get a mention of self-harm with a spork in there.
Thank you all.
Game we used to play when kids
Put a fresh dog-shit in a paper bag.
Go to the house of person who has pissed you off most.
Put paper bag outside front door.
Set fire to paper bag.
Ring door bell.
But be sure to look back as your victim stamps furiously on the paper bag to put out the flames.
Hopefully wearing slippers.
Go to pub.
Feel much better.
Now I do have access to a pretty much inexhaustible suppply of shit, species variable. Might need a pretty big bag for some flavours though...
Strange how some who wouldn't ever put their hand in your wallet and nick a crisp twenty appear (or maybe they do that too Ironduke) appear to have no such scruples when it comes to you doing all the work whilst they share the wedge.
I've got an old article (Guardian??) somewhere on the correct use of the C word. It includes something along the lines of
Me "You're the second biggest C that I know.
Him (it could be her) "Why only 2nd biggest C?"
Me "Because you're a C"
Wise words, DVO...but forgive me if I appear a fool...I don't get the me-him-me bit?
Just a variation on the straightforward "You're a C/an utter C/a Komplete C" line of insult.
Person A says. Person B replies. Person A applies the killer line.
I apologise for putting my hand up again...I still can't work it out (blush of shame).
If the person you are insulting, you are calling the second biggest cnut, who is the biggest? Yourself?
Here’s one from the army:
Sergeant Major to (male) officer cadet: Do you have a clitoris, Sir?
OC: No, Sergeant Major.
SM:I see. Then that explains why you’re not a complete cunt, doesn’t it, Sir?
OC: Yes, Sergeant Major.
It means that you are the world's biggest and second biggest cunt, etc. to suit the object of insult.
Son of an animal food trough washer
Not sure if there's a really sustainable train of thought, one that would be sufficient to withstand the rigours of cross examination by one of the best QCs in the land but [ takes a breath and a good run at it] ..... I've always read it to mean that 'you're such a C you're not even the world's biggest C'. i.e. you're too much of a C even to be the worst / best C. There being some sort of status attached to being the world's worst.
Hmm, the more I write, the less I am able to understand it myself.... Let me know if the above is of any assistance, otherwise I'm going to have to go back to the source material for further inspiration/ enlightenment. Or Al's interpretation seems good.
Hope this is proving cathartic for you. It is to me.
Ah, I see. You're so lousy, you couldn't even excel at being a cunt.
Perhaps 'you are a mediocre cunt' is the sentiment we are after
I'm a big fan of the Withnail line "Monty, you terrible c*!"
Other than that there is the curse from Black Adder 1 "Dear Enemy: may the Lord hate you and all your kind, may you be turned orange in hue, and may your head fall off at an awkward moment". Might not work in the boardroom unless you are Rowen Atkinson.
Iron. - bang on and the brevity of your first line above puts me to shame.
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