When the speed was first 'discovered' it was thought that nothing would even get remotely close and evidence has recently been discovered that suggests the scientists in question simply wrote down 'something that sounded properly ridiculous' and then sloped off for a few ales. However advances in technology have now not only reached the speed of light they set, but broken it, a situation abhorred by the basic laws of the universe and Boris Johnson;
'We can't have particles travelling faster than the speed of light, arriving at places before you can see them. Where would it end? If the advertising agencies got hold of this they could make adverts travel faster than the programs, thus you would unwittingly see them, even though you haven't, because you left the sofa the second the ad break started. Or at least the second you saw the break start. But it would have already started. I think. What chance would that give us? We'd all be down the shops buying stuff we didn't even know existed but have seen even though we haven't', he explained, whilst still clutching a broom.
As well as possibly holding together the fabric of reality the new faster speed would also have normal everyday benefits.
'We could use it in energy saving light bulbs,' explained a government physician,'then they might actually kick into life before you've done whatever it was you nipped into the room to do.'
Obviously every decision that may affect the fundamental laws of the universe has its critics but, rather surprisingly, the majority have come from the world of music, headed by rock star Bono.
'I'm not sure it would be for the best,' he mumbled whilst looking Pious, 'faster light means more powerful light, thus rendering my entire sunglasses collection redundant. Imagine the landfills, glasses everywhere. Sunnies, bloody sunnies.'
